Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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