A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
