Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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