I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
