I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
