where am i from again
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
