it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
