yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
