Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
