Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
