he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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