Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
