i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
