WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
