Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
