I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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