Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
