Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
