I'm sorry my penis didn't work
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
