They should really pass out barf bags in church
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
