I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
