smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
