I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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