You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
