I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
