I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
