I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
