Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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