you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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