I am in a vortex of obligation.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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