ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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