Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
