Already got asked if we're dating
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
