I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
