true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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