For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
