That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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