like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
