god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
meet me or not, i'm out of control
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
