i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
