Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
