Your face is a jimmy john
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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