I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
