dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
