Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
