youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
