I puked a lego.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
