wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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