there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
