My cat gives me a boner
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I want is dick and wine.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
