Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Randomize
