Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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