Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
