Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
