so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
