I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
