Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
