I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i love accidental penises.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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