I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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